One year later

It’s been almost one year since my first post about hating the dating game and trying to find “The One”.

Just over a year ago I was involved with a guy we will name as M and he was beautiful. At 6ft 4, blonde hair, dimples in his cheeks and great with kids he was my Mr Perfect. I had met him the Christmas before and we saw each other at least once a week between December and May. M had a way of making me believe everything. He was so genuine in his personality and he was a very busy person trying to start a business and make a name for himself so the fact that I didn’t see him very often didn’t bother me too much. I knew he was busy so I knew when he came to see me it’s because he made time for me…

Why is it us girls hold out for something that we know probably isn’t going to develop? We hold on to these guys thinking that one day they are going to turn around and tell us they love us and want to spend their lives with us.

That never came with M. He flew off to pursue his career in New Zealand and I downloaded the app once more to meet my Mr Right.

Fast forward one year and where am I?

I’m currently sitting on the sofa of a house on the beach in Victoria, Australia with my boyfriend.

YES – you read that correctly. My boyfriend. The guy who I met one year ago after waving goodbye to M.

It hasn’t been an easy ride and sometimes I question our relationship about whether we are right for each other. And despite neither of us being able to say the L word yet, here we are. We’ve been together exclusively for five months now, after I wore him down and he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. I don’t know what the future holds and I don’t know whether we will be together one year down the line, but I know that right now I am travelling the world with him and he is my rock and my best friend..

An Italian day…

The summer came and went and it was the August bank holiday weekend. J was off on his adventures to live in Italy with his friends and I had gone to their leaving party to see them on their way.

Weeks went by, I was back in London and J was living and working in the beautiful city of Rome. I heard from him most days, and if I hadn’t heard from him I had heard from his friend Ruby* who was keeping me updated with the goings-on.

I tried to get on with my life and I ended up continuing to swipe left and right for the many men appearing on my phone from Tinder. I was still talking to Jamie even though I had no intentions of meeting up with him again, I guess I just liked the constant attention, which sounds awful now I’m writing this. I was having a great time at work with the girls I worked with and had some great nights out. However, J was still in the picture and had invited me to go and stay with him in Rome. After talking to one of the girls I had decided that it was now or never that I would tell him we’re either together or we’re not. I was going to use these 10 days away to really get him to make a decision whether he wanted to be with me.

I flew out to Italy and he met me at the airport straight off my flight. We had booked an AirBnB together so we had our own space and in a few days time we were to rent a car with a few of J’s friends and drive down to Naples. We were getting on really well and the chemistry was still there between us despite almost a month apart. Alone, J was treating me how he always used to – like we were together. In front of friends however, I was just another friend…

Putting on a brave face, I let it go and decided to soak up all Italy had to offer and just enjoy my time there. J and I, and his friends hired a car and drove down to Naples and enjoyed the city and the scenery. One night however after seeing J on Tinder whilst sitting right next to me, I lost my nerve. We argued and I spent the rest of Naples with Ruby*. Asking him outright if he wanted to be with me, and him rejecting me, was enough for my heart to take.

Leaving Italy, I had in my mind that J and I were over. There was nothing more to us than friends and I had to get on with my life. So I got on the plane, tears in my eyes, wondering what my next step would be. Could I keep J in my life just as a friend?

But things got complicated and the story continues…

A brief background

I guess I can let you know a little bit about myself, whilst still remaining anonymous…

I’m now 23 years old and have been in relationships, or had some kind of involvement for all of my adult life. I had my first proper boyfriend when I was 15 and that ended up lasting 3 and a half years and I thought he was perfect. As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, he was older, and obviously when you’re 15 and an older guy pays you attention you lap it up and dive head first into what you think is a completely serious relationship where you’re destined to be together forever.

This was far far from that. My first relationship is a very long story with a few ups, but a fair few more downs. It was anything but plain sailing and I became a complete introvert from the once happy go lucky extrovert I once was. I didn’t have many friends by the time the relationship was up and I really had to start afresh. I started university, moved out of the town I once loved and began a whole new life. I didn’t want T to be any part of my present or future and wanted to leave everything I had once experienced firmly in my past.

University was an amazing new start. I had just turned 19 and the friends I made were a breath of fresh air. I hadn’t had a group of friends since I was 14 or 15 and it all felt so new.

I sound a little bit lonely here and I guess I was. I had no-one to lean on but my family, and thankfully they had stuck around to support me or else I have no idea where I would be right now. With no confidence and no aspirations I could barely see a future for myself.

Around one month into university my confidence  had started to grow and I met so many people just out for a good time. I was having the time of my life and university had definitely been the right choice for me. Facebook had become my hub and where I would sit in my flat and chat to my friends about the coming weekend and where we would plan our outfits for the club nights we would attend.

One evening, I’d had a Facebook friend request from someone I didn’t really recognise. We had around 20 friends in common though, and he went to the same university. In fact when I looked further he was even from my same home town. Had I met him on a night out and not remembered? If I had this was very embarrassing!

I accepted anyway and we were then engulfed in a conversation that didn’t end for around 2 years…

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C and I dated for around 2 weeks before we realised we were inseparable. We were throwing the L word around like we knew what real love was. It was that all at once kind of love, the real passionate, can’t keep your hands off one another love. We had decided where we would live when we finished university, what type of house we would have, and our future careers. We would spend weekends with our families showcasing our love, and evenings together where we couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves.

However when passion brings good, it also brings bad. Towards the end of our first 6 months together, when the honeymoon phase was over, the arguments commenced and 18 months later C and I were no more. He thought I lived in some ideological fantasy world where love was all rosy and perfect and that I was dreaming for a fairy tale that doesn’t exist.

I think he is wrong.

I think the fairytale does exist. You just have to wait for it.

Sure enough, two years on he appears to be in a happy relationship which looks like the perfect fairy tale and I am very happy for him and his new girlfriend. Maybe he’s met his perfect match?

I however was to go on many many more dates before thinking I had met the perfect match…

Love in the country xo

 

 

Love in London

A few months have passed since my last blog post, as I quickly moved to London shortly after. In fact Tinder guy even helped me move there! Although I’m going to change his name now, Tinder guy doesn’t really suit any more. Let’s call him J.

So I had been seeing J for around 7 or 8 weeks, and when I say seeing I don’t mean we were exclusively seeing one other. For that to happen I guess we would have had to have a serious conversation, and we were definitely not at the stage! Now obviously in my desperate state of wanting to be wanted, of course I’d have liked to be exclusive but no, he was in no position to have some girl on his arm. He wanted several. Doesn’t every 26 year old male?

Anyway, J helped me pack up his small Clio with all of my belongings and drove me down to London to my new house share where I would reside for however long I decided to live there…

Dating in London is not as easy as you would imagine. You would think that  you could go for a drink in a local bar and beautiful men in suits would pursue you and want to take you out for various meals on a boat along the Thames, but in reality it’s pretty much the same as in the country. It’s the 21st century people, yet no-one has the guts to walk up to the beautiful brunette in the corner and ask to take her for a meal. Instead they will stand within a 1km radius and hope they come across her on Tinder so they can use their cheesiest chat up line…

J would still visit me numerous times during the coming months however we had established that we were “just friends” and nothing more. Now “just friends” obviously meant we were still sleeping together but I guess that’s what that saying means now. And as we were “just friends” I decided to get back in the Tinder game. I matched with lots of guys, some nice but not very forthcoming, some not so nice, and some just down right rude with their sexist comments. I’m not much of a feminist, and sexist jokes can make me laugh as I know most of the time it’s just banter. But SOME men just take it too far.

I was about to give up on the dating app when I came across a profile that stuck out for me. His name was Jamie, he was 23 and the only information I had was that he was a music producer. When we matched I was a bit surprised, he looked beautiful! We got talking every day for a week and arranged to meet at the weekend at my favourite spot in Southbank. We went for a drink and I found out he was really into photography, worked for Universal Music and regularly worked with Sam Smith and 5 Seconds of Summer (an Australian band). He seemed so nice – however I couldn’t get J off my mind the entire time and made up some lame excuse to go home early.

How could Tinder guy who was supposed to be one date turn into months later and he was still on my mind?

Luckily, or unluckily, J was moving to Italy in September to work for a few months before travelling the world. Would this be the step I finally need to get him out of my head now that I wouldn’t be able to see him every weekend? I guess only time would tell…

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Love in the country xo

 

Tinder Troubles

Do you know something that really bugs me about today’s modern society? Yep – that’d be Tinder. The phone app that allows both females and males to be judgemental enough to “swipe” yes or no to people they find attractive with a less than 250 character profile (mainly a few words from some philosophical quote).

I’ve had this app on my android phone for around about two years now and although it’s seen me through some lonely times, I have to say I despise the thing – despite still keeping it and logging in every so often! The first guy I met on there was actually an “actor” in the West End who politely told me, “yeah photos lie…” – OUCH! Needless to say I never saw him again and he’s now shacked up with some dancer from his latest show.

That put me off for a while, especially as I then got back with my ex boyfriend from university. But as soon as that broke up, I was back to square one. Swiping left, then right, then left, and left again. Goodbye to the easy life of dating, it was tougher than ever. Making sure you perfect your selfie with the right angle and most flattering filter. The truth is – noone looks like their selfies do they?! And if we did, would we really get as much attention?

Do we entertain this app and these men purely for our own egos? Does it make us feel wanted when we are lonely or are we actually interested in meeting these people for a possible relationship? I’d like to think it was the latter. Unfortunately, my experience tells me it’s most likely the first. People want to be wanted.

I’ve dated numerous guys from this “game” and after a few dates they usually get a little bored when you don’t end up taking your knickers off for them. A little lesson – never settle for less than you want. I think it’s important to establish what road you are both on too. Most of the guys on Tinder only want a quick ego boost, a girl to share their bed with, and then they’re on to the next.

I met a guy a little more than a month ago now, who appeared to be just my type. Although he lived 30 miles away that didn’t stop me going down to meet him where he took me for a nice meal and we watched a film. Over the next 3 weeks we saw each other constantly, every other night, we went for days out and lazy nights in. I quickly discovered he had only just broken up with his girlfriend of four years, and although I wasn’t looking for anything serious, it did kind of cut me deep when I realised this wasn’t actually going anywhere. In fact, I have no idea what’s going on between us as we still see each other all of the time. He wants to go travelling, as do I. So maybe we are just more compatible as “travel buddies”.

Either way, I’ve managed to meet someone to take my mind of the friend with benefits who I’m most probably falling for despite him being half way across the world right now… But again, that’s another story.

Tinder guy still goes on Tinder. Which proves my point that although he has a girl right in front of him who wants to enjoy life by his side, he is still tempted by what else there could be around the corner. Are we constantly looking for better? Do we believe that our perfect match is going to turn up from some app which judges people by their appearance?

Who knows.

Welcome to dating in the 21st century.

Love in the Country xo

Oh the life of a 22 year old…

As I have spent the day half-heartedly attempting to clean and pack up my house I have subconsciously been reflecting over my entire life so far….

It’s the bank holiday weekend of May, the start of summer, Radio One’s Big Weekender, the beginning of Eurovision, and what am I doing? Obviously I’m not out enjoying myself – I am sat in my gym gear on the sofa eating a bowl of carbo-licious pasta! I have been attempting to get fit and healthy for months now – ever since I finished university and moved into a little two bedroom house close to work. But my efforts haven’t exactly been successful. I have in fact put on – yes, PUT ON around 10lbs of pure fat. I know it’s pure fat because I can see it around my middle, on my hips, my thighs, my arms, even my face and my chin! It’s not exactly the most attractive look and I’ve almost gone up two dress sizes from my previous “perfect size 8”. Yet, I am still sat here having just finished the bowl of carbohydrates, wanting to bake some cookies.

I guess this is the normal life of a 22 year old female isn’t it? Well I sure hope it is and I’m not alone!

My aim of the day as I mentioned earlier was to start cleaning and packing up my house. I’m due to move out in around 5 weeks after living here for 9 months. I had just finished university and couldn’t imagine living back with my parents so I decided to move out properly and gain some independence. In a way I kind of wish I had moved in with them again, at least for a few months to try and save some money. I’m even more skint now than I was as a student and I have nothing to really show for it. How depressing.

I guess I should probably tell you some things about myself really…

I studied my degree at a beautiful university in the city of Norwich, in Norfolk, and I am now a nurse. Now people who think I have a “normal” nursing job, you’re probably a long way off. I have a rare and NOT for the faint-hearted nursing job. I’m a sexual health nurse. And YES that does mean I look at genitalia for most of my working day, along with being a vampire and extracting a lot of people’s blood on a daily basis. But I love my job, and it is strangely rewarding…

My home life was always pretty normal like your average Jones family. Father had numerous affairs, and my sister, well she had her own problems which took the focus away from me at least. I used to enjoy having a lot of time to myself and being able to pretty much bring myself up! But that’s another story.

Oh and one last thing. I’m single!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a lot of boyfriends. Right from the young age of 11 years old when I was too scared to hold dear little Tom’s hand or give him a kiss on the cheek, I’ve somehow been involved with a boy / man my entire life.

My first serious relationship was when I was 15 years old and he was 18. Of course he drove a beaten up old car which I found so attractive, how could I resist? He charmed me through the computer screen whilst we communicated via MSN (or Messenger as it’s now known) and picked me up half way around my estate so that I thought my parents couldn’t see who I was going out with, and surprisingly, with it’s ups and definite downs, it managed to last around three and half years!

Five years down the line there’s been a whole lot more and I’ve gained a lot of experience in the dating world that I’ll expand on next time. But it’s almost time another half-hearted attempt at cleaning and packing for me…

Welcome to my life of soul-searching and attempting to find The One.

Love in the Country xo

Hello World!

So this could well be seen as a rip off version of Sex and the City. And I guess you could be right. But in no way do I believe myself to be similar to Carrie Bradshaw or the rest of the clan. Sure we have similar scenarios and I frequently Pinterest SATC quotes to relate to, but I like to think my story is different from Carrie’s.

This blog is all about Love in the Country. In the land where the rest of England think we have six fingers and six toes attached to each limb. Well surprise surprise, we don’t. And I’m country born and bred!

I’ve decided to keep myself anonymous purely because in such a small town it can be easy to be identified and I’m not ready for people to know about my personal life. It just may give you guys a good read 🙂

So, welcome to my blog! And I hope you enjoy It.

Love in the Country xo